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Some years ago a study made the headlines of most of the low life British tabloids. Graham Jackson who is a well-known British cardiologist claimed that 75 per cent of people who die during sexual intercourse are having an extra-marital affair. Dr. Jackson also said that people in a long term relationship are much less likely to die during sex. It was not the act of sexual intercourse but the strain of “cheating” on one’s spouse that was responsible for the heart to stop ticking.

The question that seems obvious is why people get into extra-marital relationships. The basic reason is that the existing marriage is heading for the rocks. This is a simplistic explanation and the truth runs deeper. The truth can have many variations. It could be that the initial love has run its course and it is just two people living together. There could be self-esteem issues. That is one of the partners feels the need to be loved and he or she is looking for it outside the borders of marriages. Sex, the lack of it is one of the stronger reasons. Sex is an amalgamation of love and passions.

If sex has not become boring it is simply left by the wayside when the marriage loses its zing. If at all sex occurs then it is a release of animal passion. Then there is question of unrealistic expectations. A great many persons get married with high and unrealistic expectations from their partners and when the partner fails to live up to those expectations, the marriage starts to come apart at the seams and  person  look outside the marriage borders for ways of fulfilling those expectations.

An extra-marital relationship is also about betrayal of trust. Before the emotionally injured get ready to raise Cain or go off at the deep end, consider whether the existing marriage has been going through the deep troughs mentioned in the preceding paragraph. An extra-marital relationship is a burden that’s difficult to shed. Then there is psychological strain of having to hide it from the unsuspecting partner and pretend to behave normally as though everything is normal. The partner in an extra-marital relationship then begins to wonder if the spouse suspects. The strain usually begins to tell emotionally and physically. This is worse if there are children and there is then the added burden of keeping them from discovering the secret.

Three recent studies in the United States, using nationally representative samples, have found that about 10-15% of women and 20-25% of men admitted to having engaged in extramarital relationships including sex. It is also interesting to find that many of the respondents claimed that they had not repeated the offense. An extra-marital relationship does not occur under the pretext that both the partners are looking for sexual adventure.

It is always because that the existing relationship or marriage is lacking in some essential aspect which the spouse seems to find in another. It should be remembered that we are not talking about extra-marital sex or one-night stands but a relationship outside the existing marriage. Again a warning bell has to be sounded and that is the extramarital relationship may not be the answer to the existing problems and on the other hand may lead one further into emotional trauma.